She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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