what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
