I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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