epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
