if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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