he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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