Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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