You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
