apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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