and you said cock pushups were impossible
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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