I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
