Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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