it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
as a side note pls kill me
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