Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
