i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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