I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize