The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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