She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
