I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
this hospital has no fireball
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
