it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize