no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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