Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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