Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
