my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
