I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I understand Curling. That high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
