he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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