He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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