he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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