Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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