I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
