I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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