I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
