Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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