i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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