i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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