Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we're making bets on your personal life
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
