I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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