So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
