my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize