oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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