There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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