And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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