Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
