Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you could order shots online.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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