Please, let me fuck your mom
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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