I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
