If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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