where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
