You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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