I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
