I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
