Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize