thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
