Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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