when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
