This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
