She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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