He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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