I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
