Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
