Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize