apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
