Where did you get a picture of my penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
