so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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