I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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