I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
