omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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