we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize