I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
