My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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