Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
