Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize