just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize