did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
