Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
