Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
did i walk over a car last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
