it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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